...at 32 weeks, 4 days gestation....is that weird to keep saying or referring to? I can't help it. It's like he's developed but not. And yes I have been meaning to write a ton of things on my mind lately and keep putting it all off. Mostly because I know more of my emotions have to surface when I do.
I know it's been silent over here for the most part, but that's only because I have been keeping a separate Instagram account for Ryder and his growth (@ryderstonefuller if you didn't know and want to). It's just so easy to update over there and add videos and little blurbs about how his day is going. I'm printing it into a book when he gets out of the NICU. So I've been terrible about checking in over here!
But let me write down how the last 2 months have gone for us and our sweet little guy.
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OH MY HECK. i just got on here to finally upload an image of Ryder, and ALL MY POST IS GONE. gah. I'm so annoyed! I thought it had saved everything! Yes, I wrote this all out like almost a month ago, but I swear it had all saved. boo. SO not motivated to re-write everything back down. it was a lot. I'll try to remember. So much has happened the past month I feel. Serves me right for not freaking publishing it when I wrote it. so so annoyed at myself right now.
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So I feel the past two months have flown by. We'll thank the holidays for that. It really has been so day to day and moment to moment with this little dude. His body has fought off 3 infections, and he has had 2 lumbar punctures (where they have to numb an area on his back, and then put a needle in his back-think like a mini epidural..but not...to check and see if any infection has gotten into his spinal fluid. this is bad because it can damage the brain. so far all of his tests have come back negative. SO. THANKFUL for that.). We have been told that it's not very common for a micro premie to have so many infections.
I've gotten many questions asking about "how often do you get to see him?" "do you see him everyday?" "do people help watch your kids?" And I'll tell you. These are all great questions. And I wish I saw him every day. I really try to. But if I know he's had a rough day (mostly this was early on in the first month) then I'd skip a day and let him just sleep and not bug him. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy just staring at him through his isolet, and I do do that too sometimes. But sometimes I can't handle seeing him with all the needles. Especially in his head (i hate seeing that one-and yes i know it's safe...blah. but STILL..). Really, when it comes down to it, we just can't afford to drive to IF every day. Our parents and friends and family have been so so helpful and gifted us gas cards. Biggest help ever. And i've been able to catch rides with friends and people in the ward if they are going to IF for groceries or errands.
Our friends have been so amazing and so quick to help watch the kids. I hate leaving Bronx and Tinley for more than 3 hours, but driving is a total of an hour (30 there, 30 back) so I only get 2 with him and it FLIES BY. So I usually love when Kevin can watch them, because then I'm not rushed. During the Christmas break it was so nice to have Kevin out of school and he was able to watch the kids a ton, which I loved.
One of the biggest challenges I have with all of this, is asking for help. I HATE asking for help. You'd think that with all that we went through with Phoenix, I wouldn't feel so awkward with it....but no. No matter what, I think I will always hate asking for help. And I think that's normal for most people. I so, SO appreciate every single person that offers help and reaches out, but I am even more thankful when people just say: "I'm watching your kids tomorrow for you to go see Ryder" or "I'm bringing you dinner tonight, what time can I drop it off?". I have learned that THAT is the type of person I want to be. Just do. Just listen to every prompting and go and DO. Kevin and I have been blown away by how loving and serving people can be. It floors us and humbles us to want to do the same for others. And it makes me wish I had a billion dollars to just go out and serve everyone I see! Until then (hahahaha) we will try to do the best we can with the means we have to serve those around us. Every little gesture and act of service counts.
Back to our sweet babe. The first time I got to hold and do skin to skin with him, was on November 29th, when he was 2.5 weeks old (26weeks and 4 days gestation). I got to take his temperature and change his diaper for the first time when he was 3 weeks old (December 2nd, at 27 weeks gestation). And Kevin and I got to bathe him for the first time on December 9th, when he was 4 weeks old (28 weeks gestation). He also broke 2 lbs on December 9th, and hit 3 lbs at the beginning of January. On his 2 month mark (January 10th) he weighed 3lbs 9oz.
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