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I see this pic of the kids and I and think: ugh. It’s so fake. Sure, in the moment we were happy and I didn’t even have to bribe my kids to jump in the pic with me (hurrah🎉)! Hah. But I look at myself and know I haven't been that happy. I see a girl who’s just freaking tired. I see a women who’s navigating new friendships and learning how to let things go and how to rebuild and give herself permission to just be. To care less what others think. I see a mom who has lost her cool one too many times the last 3 weeks. A mom who has yelled, and then even bought a course to become a more peaceful parent(we’ll see how that goes😅🙈). I see a wife who doesn’t want to burden her hubby because he’s already studying 24/7 (and I’m so👏🏼dang👏🏼proud). I see a mom who is tired of being with her kids 24/7(hah. Homeschooling will do that to ya😆😵💀). And Ryder is this wild card child/hurricane who loves to run around and tease and pester and spit and just is at a hard age and needs looooots of attention, which is hard when I’m trying to help Bronx or Tinley with schoolwork. I see a woman who is trying to throw work in there too-on top of it all(I must be crazy). Who wants to help pay for things, and who LOVES having a creative outlet, but who gets stressed out of her mind when they all pile up and there are deadlines. I see a girl who is sick of social media, but also, that’s how she earns money and gets illustration orders...it’s a vicious cycle. One that I’m constantly trying to manage better.
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Along with that...I love exercise. I love running. I love lifting weights. But I’ve lost that drive recently. I’ve still been doing it, but wow I am just going through the motions because I know it helps my sanity and is good for me. I don’t know why I have zero energy lately-or maybe it’s because of all the things I mentioned above😂😳. I just have this weird internal balance struggle going on currently, as you can clearly see as you read this🙈
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Tuesday morning, I was lifting weights and instead of putting on my hip hop or any of my “pump-me-up” playlists, I decided to listen to a talk from one of my church leaders. I don’t even know how I landed on this talk, but it popped up-on YouTube of all things, when I usually go into the Gospel Library App-and it began playing in my airpods and I was shook. Because it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. And here’s the point for me sharing all of this (honestly kinda depressing but real) personal information with you guys: I hope you can take away what you need from my experiences to better yourself, and to strengthen your weaknesses💪🏼
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“Waiting can be hard. Children know it, and so do adults. We live in a world offering fast food, instant messaging, on-demand movies, and immediate answers to the most trivial or profound questions. We don’t like to wait.”
”Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter.”
“Our Heavenly Father knows what good parents come to understand over time: if children are ever going to mature and reach their potential, they must learn to wait.”
“Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
“Impatience, on the other hand, is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed.”
”Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer.”
”The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.”.
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So while you look at this little happy snapshot of me with my kids, please realize that I am struggling, and learning to give myself more grace + gain more patience daily. The whole point I took these pics was to show you how excited I was to collaborate with @jamesallentees and design 3 floral “MAMA” options for her shop👏🏼
I knew your shirt was my sister's!
ReplyDeleteBut honestly, you wrote exactly what is on my heart. I feel all those things. We just uprooted our lives from Wyoming to Idaho for a job and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, homeschooling, my kids have special needs and medical needs, I don't want to burden my husband who is working his butt off, I am OVERWHELMED with the work I have taken on (I edit and proofread books and feel just like you: I'm contributing and I enjoy it a lot but at this moment in my life, it's going to kill me off.) . . . I have been harsh lately with my kids. I haven't slept in weeks. I have lost my drive to workout but I do it because I need to for my sanity. Oh wait you wrote ALL OF THAT. Thank you for sharing it and being real.
RACHEL!!!!! Oh my word yes. Holy cow any move for a job/career is huge! I seriously love seeing your words here! I was shocked to see a comment since I feel that's a "thing of the past" around here. Haha and yes I was so so happy when Becca reached out to me about creating a design! It was so fun to do!
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