I've been having some tender moments lately, that really have been helping me remember how human we all are, and how we all go through hard things in our life. Every single person. Whether it's public or private...but I do think most are private. I want to share one with you:
Today I woke Ryder up for school, and we were all excited to make jam biscuits together (encouraged by his big sis Tinley who made pancakes AND eggs different days this past week). He's been begging me for about a month, but we've been out of sugar, and I just haven't refilled it. We've been tight on money so our grocery runs have been extremely sporadic and not at all scheduled. It is what it is. I won't pretend that it's easy right now, but I'm not mad about it. Kevin is doing his best to provide, and i'm trying to do my best as a stay-at-home mom. I'm extremely grateful to be able to stay home and be here for my kids when they get out of school, and be with Scout. Anyways. So we needed sugar, and i felt so bad when I saw how sad Ryder was that we couldn't make the jam biscuits. I promised him that I would grab some at the grocery store today while I picked up a birthday gift for Tinley's party she was going to that afternoon.
Well, I texted Kevin before leaving the house:
"Okay hey I need to run to Smith's to get:
sugar, miracle whip, friend birthday gift
...can i do that with Beehive? The party is at 4:30 today"
Kevin texts back: "no we only have $30 in there"
....we did have some cash saved away, so I was able to take that. I folded up the bill and made sure it wouldn't fall out of my pocket as I walked up and down the aisles. Loaded Scout up and made our way to the store. As I walked in, I wondered-like I have done so many times before-if I am the only person to be feeling so poor and ridiculous. Scraping by barely figuring out life at 37. Wondering what other people walking into the store are thinking about or worried about. What could be troubling them...
Scout hung out in the cart watching Peppa Pig while I grabbed the birthday stuff, and then we moved on to the baking aisle for the sugar. Finally the Miracle Whip. As I turned the cart down the condiments aisle, I saw a mom with 3 kids blocking the way. A little baby boy was in the cart happily yelling/jabbering at the top of his lungs. He was probably 1. Then an older boy maybe Ryder's age, and another child maybe 5? I honestly didn't even pay that much attention because I was laughing at the cute baby in the cart making the noise, as i snuck passed them to grab what i needed.
But right before that, I noticed the mom ushering her kids to the side to move for me, telling them quietly, "get out of the way-move to the side!" you know, how we moms do. And then when the oldest wasn't paying attention or listening, she grabbed him by the coat sleeve and yanked him over. Kinda how I could see myself doing to Ryder if he had been frustrating me all day and not listening.
Stay with me. So I grab the Miracle Whip (so that Tinley can take a sandwich to school for lunch-she eats nothing else), and hear the mom try to quiet the loud babbling baby. I am just happy because he is happy, and I walk past and make some funny comment recognizing/laughing at his "singing"-trying to reassure the mom that he is totally fine and not to worry....Well, I get back to Scout sitting in the cart and turn around. Before I know what i'm doing, I walk right back up to that mom, who i now realize is extremely pregnant, and just touch her arm and look her in the eyes and tell her: "you are doing so good!"
Gosh. I can feel myself tearing up out of nowhere, and I whip right back around before the waterworks just start flowing. I was not expecting myself to get so emotional over that! I push the cart haphazardly into the bakery section not looking for anything but also trying to focus on something to get my emotions in check and not have anyone see my tears that had started to fall. What was happening?! ....And then it hits me: I get it. I am that mom. I understand those feelings of overwhelm being at the grocery store and pregnant!
I know what it feels like to walk into a store not knowing if my card is going to work (spoiler alert: it hasn't a lot of times!). I know what it feels like to be on food stamps and WIC. I know how embarrassing that is when you are a young mom and you don't know what the heck you're doing, but you are trying to keep everyone happy and just get through a dang shopping run that wasn't planned or going how it was supposed to. Back when grocery pickup wasn't an option or even a thing. And I know that feeling of overwhelm that hits when you're at the cash register checking out and you are just praying that everything that you put in your cart was the right item that would get covered....
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| Blooms from my mom's yard. I love this tree! |
So I guess the takeaways from this are...reach out and be KIND. It can go a long ways, for you and the other person. Probably more than you know. And don't get stuck feeling like you are behind. You have SO MUCH to offer in this phase of your life, so do something about it.
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