While at work today {Friday December 2},
I jotted down some thoughts I've been having about this pregnancy.
They might be a little dis-jointed,
but just bare with me,
okay?
Thanks.
We've {Kevin and I} have talked about having kids before.
It's not like we never wanted them....
we just been enjoying our "us time" so much.
We've grown so close and gone through hell and back together in these 3.5 years.
We can only look forward and build off of what we have.
As our favoirte scripture states:
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit,
or into the hands of murders,
and the sentence of death passed upon thee;
if thou be cast into the deep;
if the billowing surge conspire against thee;
if fierce winds become thine enemy;
if the heavens gather blackness,
and all the elements combine to hedge up thy way;
and above all,
if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee,
know thou,
my son,
that all these things shall give thee experience,
and shall be for thy good."
-D&C 122:7
All these things shall give thee experience,
and shall be for thy good.
We hold on to that line daily,
and it helps us plow forward in life.
...........................
I remember the first time Kevin said he was really "ready" to have kids:
We were sleeping downstairs on the floor,
and I had started feeling sad and got quite from seeing all our friends's babies that day.
The next evening,
as we're driving in the car over to one of our friends' houses,
Kevin expressed again how he was ready to start trying.
I can't tell you how excited I was!
It was a special moment for us.
This was about mid-June.
I knew that because I had been on birth control for so long,
It would probably take a while for me to get pregnant.
{but secretly I hoped that it would be instantanious - really, when you're ready, you're ready, right?}
All in the Lord's time.
When I kept having a period I started thinking something was wrong with me.
Would I ever get to be pregnant?!
I know I shouldn't have been thinking these thoughts,
but I was.
I got sad,
disheartened,
and worried.
And saying that now - when it really only took me 4 months - is nothing compared to the women that wait years and years for children.
I cannot even comprehend what feelings they must battle everyday.
On a happier note now:
I am OFFICIALLY PREGO!
WooHoo!
Who'd have thought that I'd be excited about this?!
Haha.
Oh, it's about time.
Definitely.
I was getting tired of being the "old couple" with no babies!
Ha - I know it sounds rediculous,
but sometimes that's how I felt!
......................
Does it always feel so fake?
I guess I thought I'd find out I was expecting,
and then: POOF.
I'd have an automatic bit tummy and be able to feel baby kick.
Nope.
Not like that at all.
Besides some random morning and evening sickness I don't feel different.
Okay,
I take that back.
I have felt the teeny-tiniest difference when I work out - particularly when I'm doing my abs,
or trying to suck in everything.
So I usually can hold my stomach tight/flexed/contracted no problem,
but when I've been doing it lately,
it feels odd.
Like there's a wallish ball thing down there....go figure.
{which now I realize is baby, but before i just thought i was getting lazy!}
Baby is wanting all the room it can get.
And yes, baby will be an "it" until we find out it's gender.
Ha!
Last night Kevin and I fell asleep talking about all the different ways we could tell our families.
I'm getting so excited!
I might just explode.
Waiting is torture....
but I don't want something to go wrong and then have to explain that sadness to everyone.
I figure if I can make it to 12 weeks I'll be good....maybe 10...or 8...
And seeing how I really don't even know how far along I am,
I don't really know when that is!
Freak.
I don't even know when I should start officially going to see a doc. about all this!
Yikes.
Lots to think about.
I'll go now because I think I'm about to have a brain-overload.
Thanks for listening peeps.
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